We Are Not Invisible.

It has come to my attention that many things in the world don’t get the coverage they deserve.
Every single day people go through things that we couldn’t imagine – and are judged for it.
In this day and age I believe it is important to keep an open mind and not allow yourself to see somebody as any less than you.
We all have reasons, we all have histories and it’s important to speak about them but some people can’t because of the horrendous preconceived ideas out there.
The aim of this project is to encourage and inspire others to speak candidly about whatever they are going through in life.
If we speak about it, it can save lives. Whatever it is, how small or big it seems, it’s important to that person.
I am dedicating this blog to other people and letting them voice the important things in their lives that are simply overshadowed. I hope it will empower people to wear their label and hold their heads up high!

Today I’m going to be looking at Anxiety Disorders (something incredibly close to my heart as I’ve written about my experience with an Anxiety Disorder which you can find here), what they are and its effects.
I have three very lovely friends who have been kind enough to share their stories, in hope that people will have a better understanding of mental health, and help anybody else who is struggling understand they are not alone.

What type of anxiety have you been diagnosed with?

Megan:
I’ve been ‘diagnosed’ with GAD or General Anxiety Disorder. I state ‘diagnosed’ in that way as I was never officially diagnosed, only told I ‘probably had GAD’ given some beta-blockers and sent on my way.

Ewen:
I was diagnosed in 2012 with depression and social anxiety disorder.

Gemma:
Generalised Anxiety Disorder.

What did you feel when you were diagnosed?

Megan:
Whilst I initially was relieved to know it had a name, and I wasn’t just panicking over ‘silly things I later realised it wasn’t so great to have this label hanging over me. I soon realised that my anxiety was getting worse, since I had acknowledged it, it seemed to become a more regular occurrence. However, in time it calmed again and I gained some control once more.

Ewen:
I felt empty, I felt like I had nothing or anyone. It put me further into the slump I was already in.

Gemma:
I wasn’t officially diagnosed until I was in my first year of university when it started to affect my studies. I’ve been suffering with it since I was 9 years old, but it was brushed off and not taken seriously by my school or medical professionals, and I was made to feel like a ‘problem child’. Getting a label for what I was feeling was a relief, and it also allows you to be distanced from the disorder and view it as a separate thing from yourself.

What is it like living with anxiety?

Megan:
Some days are fine, others are not. Sometimes I can go weeks without an episode, then someone makes a joke or I have a ‘trigger’ and I will panic for a week, maybe a month straight. I find I have little quirks I have which I must do to believe nothing ‘bad’ will happen. These things include making my partner text me when he gets to work so I know he got there safe, not looking at certain shops on my daily travels and repeating something 4 times. These are not things that I always do, but more often than not I will. However I’ve also noticed that when you have anxiety it ‘seeps’ into those around you the most. My mother and partner have recently started showing signs of anxiety, these were signs they never had before I started suffering. My best friend also has anxiety and sometimes it’s a godsend to know you’re not alone but other times we ‘feed’ off of each other and stress each other more.

Ewen:
Haha, well living with anxiety is a constant, stressful headache! Always worrying about pointless rubbish, but always making it worse by overthinking. It leaves me sleepless and always restless, and sometimes it throws me into full-blown breakdowns.

Gemma:
It’s a pain and a massive inconvenience. I see all of my friends going out and having fun, but I cant bring myself to do it. My head reels through questions such as ‘when will I get home?’, ‘how will I get home?’ and ‘what if *insert irrational disaster here* happens?!’ An anxious brain is constantly ticking with little niggling worries and concerns, a lot of which are completely ridiculous and far fetched, but manages to blow the niggles into huge overbearing issues.

Do you actively avoid situations?

Megan:
Certainly. I avoid seeing certain people as they act as a ‘trigger’ to my episodes. My partner cannot make certain jokes as it will cause me to panic for a week or two. I also avoid going out too much on my own and spending too much time on my own, as my anxiety attacks only seem to happen when I am alone.

Ewen:
I avoid large groups of people. If I don’t I feel like all eyes are on me and I feel like I’m being judged constantly. Whether it’s how I look or even down to if my hair looks okay, large groups scare me!
I suffer greatly from sleeplessness due to my anxiety causing nightmares. Recently this has become such a problem that I’ve made myself ill because I am too anxious to sleep.

Gemma:
I tend to avoid anything I’m unfamiliar with or uncertain about. I do try to force myself into the situations the majority of the time, but sometimes anxiety wins, which leaves me feeling pretty low because I feel like I let it. I tried to go to London a couple of years ago, but I had a panic attack on the train and had to turn around and come home again. Since then that is what I have associated London with and haven’t managed to make myself go again.

Before you were diagnosed, what was your day-to-day life like?

Megan:
I’ve always been an anxious child, however it never took control over my life. Not until my second year of University. I believe the stress of school and exams and the idea that I was almost an ‘adult’ caught up to me. As a child I would never leave my mother’s side for fear that she may not return or that something bad would happen. I also used to repeat things four times (Clicking my jaw, going round a corner, silly things) But my life was fine, as it is now, anxiety is difficult but eventually you manage it.

Ewen:
It was okay. I was outgoing, a laugh, always the go-to-guy. I was the Jack the lad. I didn’t have a care in the world.

Gemma:
With me, I went through phases of being okay and being really bad. It would affect my work at college because I would shut off in the middle of a conversation, and it made going on school trips in secondary school really hard. I would panic so much before hand that I would be physically sick (which isn’t pleasant when you’re 14 and surrounded by your entire year group). I always felt like something was wrong with me, like I was the problem and I was the only one who suffered with it.

What is life like for you now?

Megan:
I’ve managed to control my anxiety now. I still have bad times where I get seriously panicky however I usually have coping mechanisms which help me calm down faster.

Ewen:
Life now, is hard. Don’t get me wrong I love my life! I have learned to appreciate things and people around me; I have opened up about my feelings and thoughts so it isn’t just me trying to deal with them. But there is always a deep feeling in the back of my mind, over-analysing and creating situations that can send me into a spin.
I am slowly beginning to get my head and feelings back on track thanks to you (Megan) and my family.

Gemma:
Since being formally diagnosed, I don’t feel like I’m the only one anymore. I feel less isolated, and because I’m at university, I’ve met a lot of people with very similar issues to me which means finding support is much easier. We all understand each other and know we can talk to each other. I still suffer with anxiety, and it does still go through good and bad stages, but because I sought help, I have learnt how to deal with it much better now. I feel more comfortable to talk about it; I can talk to my tutors easily when work becomes too much, and I have a network of friends who are happy to listen. Having the diagnosis makes it more official, so people are a little less judgemental.

Have you ever felt discriminated against or embarrassed to tell people?

Megan:
I usually tell people, there’s only a few times I’ve been made to feel bad about my anxiety. I worry sometimes it affects my chances in life, people think you cannot cope when you’ve got anxiety. The other thing that makes me angry is when people tell me I’m stressed when I’m not. I’m the kind of person who cannot stay still, I’m always keeping busy, due to this people think I’m flustered or stressed, even though I’m in full control.

Ewen:
I spent three years of my life too embarrassed to tell anyone anything. I was meant to be awesome, I was the one that was never down, I was the guy anyone could talk to. Then to need help myself? I couldn’t bring myself to admit it. What if people saw me differently, what if it meant I was weak? What if my daughter stopped loving me? I wound myself up. But now, speaking out is one of the proudest moments of my life, it meant I wasn’t alone anymore, I gained trust in people. Life got easier for me.

Gemma:
I wouldn’t say I’ve been discriminated, but I’ve certainly had it thrown back in my face by people I’m supposed to love and trust (they’ve since been removed from my life). I’ve also definitely felt embarrassed to tell people too. There was a situation where I told someone about my anxiety and they went on a huge rant about how was ‘just scared’, and I ‘would get over it’ which definitely knocks your confidence and made me a little more wary to tell people.

Why do you think the stigma around mental health still exists?

Megan:
I think people are still ashamed to have a mental illness. People don’t understand mental illness and thus shame people for having them. Mental illness does not mean you’ve not control over your life or illness but people expect you to be less stable.

Ewen:
Mental illness is invisible. Many people you walk past everyday could be suffering with it. A lot or most people choose to believe it’s not real, they don’t accept it. Like me, they don’t want to think about the negative aspects. Mental illness is a hard thing to spot and even harder to accept.

Gemma:

I think it still exists because people who don’t suffer with it tend to believe ‘it’s all in your head’. I don’t blame people at all for not understanding because unless you deal with it, you’ll never truly understand why a person can’t just stop worrying, relax, or be happy. It is, however, the way they respond to your problems that really matters. Mental health isn’t discussed much in the mass media, and if it is, it focuses predominantly on the extreme cases, so mental health isn’t truly represented.

Do you have any pearls of wisdom for anyone struggling with mental illnesses?

Megan:
Surround yourself with people you love, talk to them and let them lighten your ‘load’. The more you talk with people the better you’ll feel and if you suffer from anxiety/panic attacks use these steps; breathe in for 4 seconds. Hold your breath for 7 seconds and breathe out for 8 seconds. This resets the panic system and causes you to have a moment to two to rest your body and gives you a chance to calm down.

Ewen:
Never ever feel like you’re the only one. Never feel alone or isolated. Never be scared to just pick up the phone and talk rubbish to someone.
You will be surprised how much it can lighten the mood and how much you would in yourself.
Don’t be scared to admit you have a problem because most people have problems. You are not, and never will be alone. Someone or something will always be there to make you smile.

Gemma:
Go to a doctor you trust and be persistent. There is help available, but some doctors aren’t completely sure when it comes to mental health. Keep going back until you find a doctor who understands. I did and I received a course of CBT on the NHS through ‘Time to Talk’. In the meantime, remember you aren’t alone and talk to a friend or family member you can trust. They may not fully understand, but talking about your feelings is a massive relief.

So… How can we break the stigma?

1. Being more understanding for those who are in different situations than us. Compassion goes a long way when people are struggling.

2. Break the silence surrounding certain subjects, if somebody is trying to talk about it, let them!

3. Listen and ask. Don’t trivialise what somebody is going through.
Ask if they’re okay and what you can do to help. (Obviously, you can’t fix somebody, but compassion goes a long way!)

4. Words matter.
Let’s not let certain words remain attached to certain things in life – create a more positive dialogue for the situation.

If you have anything that you would like to write about regarding ‘breaking stigmas’ please contact me at:

vivaciousblog@hotmail.com

Or alternatively, leave me a message on my Facebook. 

The Vivacious Blonde.